Because I can't say this over the phone...

 If you're reading this,  

     The one thing I want right now, more than anything in the entire world, is for you to be you again. Going through so much, for so long, I'm ready for it to be over. I miss our friendship; driving home from school, windows down, music blaring, singing out our lungs. All the clothes that we borrowed from each other, or stole... I miss that too. I remember when you used to try and teach me guitar... too bad I got all the athletic genes and you got the musical ones. I used to absolutely hate having to go to all those operas while you were in college; but if I could, I would take listening to those concerts everyday if it meant having things back to how they used to be. When we used to take stupid pictures, or make dumb videos of us singing the Dixie Chicks... those are the times I remember. I want more of that.
     I understand that things change. Everyone grows up, we all move on... but you're one person who I wish I never had to move on from. I shouldn't have to. After everything that has happened, after being torn apart time and time again, I still just want you back in my life. Whether it's the old you, or a new you, I don't care... I dream of the days that we can be best friends again. I don't want to wake up one morning and realize that this much of my life has passed me by and we never mended back together.
     It's one thing to lose my best friend, but for it to be my sister too... that's one thing I don't want to have to regret for the rest of my life.

It's called a job...

    I got my job back, at Men's Wearhouse.  I love this job, I really do. However, I'm 3 weeks in and I am EXHAUSTED.  Now, I am at home more than I'm at college. I'm on the road more than I sleep. I work more than I study. Who knew that working 2 hours from where I live could be so rough? I guess I had an idea... I knew this would happen. Which it's fine, I am keeping my grades up and I get to see my boyfriend more... kinda. I get to see my momma more... which I know makes her happy. I'm making enough money to keep me happy. But gosh darn it's almost not worth it. I am tired... no, exhausted. I'll make sure I don't go stir crazy... and if that starts too happen, then back to the normal Tallahassee life I go.   Which would stink, because I love being around my sister and nephew more than anything in the world, and I don't want to give that up.  I'm pretty sure that without those two people in my life, I wouldn't be half of who I am, and that's enough for me too keep traveling back and forth. This is nuts.

The Future Life of... ME!

     I've recently become much more aware of my future. Too be honest, it's freaking me out. I've applied to nursing school, but the chances of me being accepted are about... 1 in 40. If I don't get in? Yeah... I'm still working on that.

I could be a therapist... but I hate listening to people whine.

I could be a social worker... but I don't enjoy sad situations.

I could run a day care... but I would like to enjoy having my own kids one day.

I could drop out and work with my sister making cakes... but my dad would have a fit.

I could go to law school... but who am I kidding?! I don't take criticism well, at all.

I could be a physical therapist... but I don't want to massage old people's rumps all day everyday.

I could be a writer... but I don't enjoy writing.

I could be a real estate agent... but that doesn't sound like much fun, & plus dad does that... I don't want to ever work as much as he does.

I could just give up and travel the world... but without a job, I have no funds. Not to mention I've never been on an airplane... so that's high dreamin.

I could be a teacher... I would love to be a teacher. More than anything.

That's what I'll do... if I get denied from nursing school I'll become a teacher. Dad might not be too thrilled, but I will be... that matters too, right?